Regis
I wish I could ask you more questions
Black holes form when stars collapse under their own weight
Fall into themselves;
I become what I warned you of;
An ocean drowning in itself
How whales live in water
But can't breathe
I told you I was hurt but
Never discussed the hands around my neck
I hope you never stop looking at sunsets
I will always think of you in the same breath as purple
As neon pink of a winter skyline
There is power in knowing that nothing is stagnant--
You melted my bones before the spring-
Pressed your flowers into my sketchbook
Held my hand while you sang your favorite songs
Told me I was beautiful with my clothes on-
Saw my wings
How I try to fly when I look at the sky
And I’ll never stop.
Maybe we're just two kids who met at the wrong time
Or maybe everything accumulated to this moment
And how could I ever regret that
I’m not gonna thank you for breaking my heart
But thank you for reminding me I have one
You
You
A dusting of snow
You
A stranger
You
A warm hug
Late January
You
Kisses
Like cotton candy
You
One paint brush
Red
Yellow
My favorite colors
There is a tombstone
In the picture you paint
On our first date
You
My first love
Ice on concrete
Your camera
The cow licks my fingers
You press the trigger
Now somewhere I am suspended in time
Our first walk
A blurry picture of a fern
A fallen tree
The sky
An entrance
Ice covered branches
I break through
Sprint forward into the snow
Until I am but a blurry image
In the distance
arms wide open
Ready to fly
Skybound
You say you became the sun once,
Sky bound--
Pink and purple horizon
You feel like nighttime begging for sunrise,
How the birds sing
While the sky is still dark
And weary
And the warmth envelopes me
Cause this day
And every day
The world looks bright
When I wake up next to you.
To Nolan
Falling for you is like a summer breeze.
I didn’t realize I was here yet
And now I have fallen into autumn in mid summer--
Leaves at their full glory-- your hands in mine.
I imagine the moment leaves fall off trees
Before they fill the air--
A soft breeze,
The wind hard at my back--
Softly, then all at once,
I fall into a bed of leaves
Make a home in your chest-- let the light in,
Watch flowers grow in old wounds.
Nature always has a way of creating life from death--
So much is growing here
Falling for you is like crying when you look into the sun.
I know that I can heal myself without you
But what if we can together?
Like the sun has to fall before it
Rises again,
Pink and purple on the skyline.
Falling for you is like a setting sun,
The star burst in your eyes--
I could watch you forever
Full of blue and open air.
You are the sun
And I am the horizon line,
Rainbows in the wake of us,
Starlight when we fall into bed together--
Dreaming till the morning
When we can rise again.
Breakthrough on Ice
We are fragile;
How we choose to suspend
Ourselves
Above water.
The cold envelopes the lake
And underneath
Everything is intact
And alive.
Winter does not kill
Just makes us still,
Stop for a second,
Reach the depth,
Hide and emerge.
And I sit
On the top of a rock,
Overlooking the young couple
Fall
For the first time
On ice.
2 AM
2 AM,
The world is quiet.
The side roads are empty enough to lay our backs on.
We walk these same street,
So many memories beneath our bones.
We walk to keep moving forward-
To ease the pain.
These roads are never ending,
Built once by hand,
One day,
Long ago,
Paved over-
Forgotten.
We bask in simplicity,
Stepping across
So many years of patience.
Someone made all of this.
We follow without thinking.
I never thought our first kiss
Would be on an empty side street.
Sunrise Out of a Stranger’s Window
You know it will be over soon,
The clouds will cover the sun-
The rainstorm will follow
And it’s not that it’s bad being alone
Or that the dark scares me-
This time of year
It all seems never-ending,
Daybreak and sunset,
Over and over.
I could see the sunrise from your window
Not long after you had melted into me
And like one organism
We awoke
To a pink and orange skyline
Above blue mountains
To fall back Into a moment
between sleep and wake
Where the sun emerges in the gap
Of my vision
And I can feel your bones
And I can feel everything beat together
And I am willing to sacrifice sleep
To hear you breathe and
To wake up in your arms
As you open your eyes
And beam.
The Height of Sunset on a Frozen Lake
You tell me how she left you on the sidewalk
- you were trying to catch a rainbow
On our second date
Or the day after I melted into you
And I awoke on your bed-
Alone-
Crying out
The realization
If you left
Something would break
But instead we awoke in the morning
To a world of white-
Fears crystalized-
Buried for now-
A suspended Sunday morning-
We are two kids after a snow storm
Not aware of the months we will spend digging
Trying to bury what was
What could have been
This day- you try to apologize
for stopping the car for the sunset
On the frozen lake
Where fishermen
Build tents on the ice
-tears freeze on my breath-
I want to cry out
At the thought
That I would somehow leave you
For wanting to catch light on your fingertips
How could I not want to see what the sky painted
On the day I met you?
This was my favorite thing-
Witnessing you
The purple mountains
The empty farmhouse
Fading pink on horizon
I could have watched you forever-
Holding your breath-
Camera lens open-
Waiting for the right moment-
To let the light in
October:
Give me the essence of evergreen,
It isn’t my time to fall yet.
October:
How do I love my body
When everyday it is decay?
October:
Take me home,
Press me in your textbooks,
Paste me on your windowsill-
Make room for the moonlight
October:
No one puts you on a pedestal
Until you die, right?
Did you really love me,
Or just the ghost of me?
They say death comes in threes,
But what if everyone is dying ?
October:
Leave the light on-
I’m not ready yet
October:
I think I love him,
But I only know love as a season,
Summer that is,
Dry, but warm enough you can’t complain,
Not here anyway
October-
The last time I heard from him-
Was the night I clung to his bedroom wall
Because all I could hear were his words,
“You take up too much space.”
I ask him if I can sleep over
If I don’t breath.
October:
It was you,
It wasn’t me
October:
I think I am in love
And even if we are dying
At least we are beautiful amidst it
October:
I ask if you will leave me,
You say that you love me.
I tell you I am a forest fire,
I will burn you,
I am not an evergreen
And I don’t want you to watch me bury myself
For I have never loved in the dead of winter
And my mother always says I look bad in black
And that is November's favorite color---
These leaves are not growing,
They are dying.
October:
I tell you I’m a forest-fire,
You say light me up.
October:
The trees whisper,
Wait---
We are not dead bodies,
This is our armor.
We are not dying,
Sometimes we just need to fall,
Leave things behind
Before we learn to bloom again.
November
The leaves don’t fall softly this year
They are pushed
November
You look happy now—
In my dreams I am still clinging to your bedroom wall
I stay quiet as you fall apart
November
It’s already snowing
Ice glistening in the morning
Our memories
Frozen in time
You leave before saying goodbye
And the now the snow is dripping from orange and yellow extremities
— buried alive
November
Winter has come early this year
No caller ID
You leave me a message
— it’s too late now
November
Love is messy
Covers the driveway
Rips at the seams
Slips and slides-
November
everything is falling now
And you aren’t afraid to fall with me
The Emergence of Twilight
We are venn diagrams
When we come together.
We are separate
But intertwined in the same.
Hold me until I don’t know what is my body and what is yours.
I want to be paint on the canvas of your soul--
Make lilac from white clouds,
A bleeding sunset--
A blue sky.
There is pain in growth.
There is comfort in ignorance,
But the sky does not exist to please;
It is beauty without vanity,
Love for the sake of loving and not receiving--
Knowing it will be received.
We are a sunset in the night sky.
We rise even when the world is falling.
I am a star.
I am always here
Even when the day hides the galaxies from our view;
You feel our universes collide.
I close my eyes before I kiss you.
I refuse to witness creation.
But you open your eyes when the paint touches the paper
As I witness the birth of a star
To light up the darkness of some stranger’s window.
Lost in the chaos I sit,
Sure that I am lost
Sure that you found me
And I found myself
And the universe sighs.
Snow Storm
I will always remember your driveway,
A dusting of snow before the storm,
The empty road,
The defrost blasting in my car—
A ducked taped mirror still holding on after hundreds of miles.
How a stranger could possibly feel like home—
Not the pain
But a warm cup of hot chocolate
A little girl in a blizzard
Making a castle out of ice
A land of white
A world I could create if I wanted to
I will always remember
The first moment I hugged you
It is how I imagine trees meet for the first time
When roots touch
Wraps around one another
There are no words
Just sunlight
A comfort in silence
An understanding
That now
we are not alone
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